Has your spouse run away?

An entertainment company is creating a documentary TV series for a cable network about individuals with a significant other (a spouse OR a long-term boyfriend/ girlfriend) who has run away and is no longer in touch (ie: "disappeared" or "gone missing"). The company is looking for people who suffered a victimization of this nature. The show seems to be based on selecting individuals an then using experts from the TV series, including private investigators, to locate the missing spouse or partner. Anyone in this situation who is interested in having their story in the show can contact melissa.casting@gmail.com
Include: Full name, age, phone#, current city& state, spouse's name, number of years married, photo of the two of you together and brief description of when/ how they disappeared.

Of course, people can get divorced even if their spouse has disappeared. The law would not sentence someone to perpetual marriage merely because the spouse chose to disappear. Service of legal process can be accomplished by other methods such as by publication, relatives, or even social media. While a person can get divorced with a missing spouse it doesn't mean that they can recover assets, alimony, or child support. The missing person may have to be located before money can be collected. Experienced family law attorneys know how to locate missing people. While no attorney will have success in all missing person cases, they will be able to find some people. They will also know what legal action to take after a person is located.

My spouse cheated on me, can I sue for damages?

For most people, marriage means that the two spouses will not have sexual relations with any person except their spouse. Unfortunately, sometimes this right of exclusive sexual access is violated. When this occurs, there is a desire on the part of the innocent spouse to seek revenge against the third party who had sex with their spouse. Massachusetts law used to allow lawsuits for the harm to the marriage caused by the third party. The Common Law which was derived from old English law allowed lawsuits for “alienation of affection” and “criminal conversation.”

The tort of criminal conversation allowed the wronged spouse to sue the paramour for violation of the right of exclusive sexual access from the marriage. In other words, it was a lawsuit against the third party for sex with their spouse. The tort of alienation of affection was a lawsuit against the paramour for causing their spouse to stop having affections within the marriage. This usually resulted in a divorce as a result of the adultery. It was not uncommon for a lawsuit to allege both alienation of affection and criminal conversation.

In Massachusetts, when cheating occurs in a marriage, the wronged party can no longer sue for damages. Massachusetts General Laws Chapter 207, Section 47B prohibits lawsuits for both alienation of affection and criminal conversation. As a result, when cheating occurs in a marriage, the only recourse through the courts is an action for divorce against the spouse.

Cheating in a marriage can be devastating to the innocent spouse. Some couples manage to save their marriage after an affair. Others separate and end the marriage by divorce. When cheating occurs in a marriage, both spouses should consult an experienced family law attorney to determine their rights and understand divorce. Many people need to understand their rights in a divorce before deciding if they want to save their marriage.

How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship

Because I am a divorce lawyer, I was asked to read and review a book entitled “How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship” by Frank Love. I reviewed the web site, http://franklove.net/, and agreed to read the book. To my surprise, I found the book gives great advise to people who are terminating a relationship or getting divorced and also to people starting relationships. I recommend this book to everybody who is in a relationship, wants a relationship, or wants to terminate a relationship.


Frank writes in easy to read language about his solution to relationship problems. His solution is communication. I assume that everybody understands that communication can improve relationships, but Frank gives specific advice and examples. He acknowledges that a break-up can occur in any relationship. So his advice is to discuss this possibility early in the relationship. By discussing the potential in advance, if a break-up occurs, the conflict should be reduced.


Frank also suggests that people discuss issues that are important to the parties and their expectations of the relationship. Do the parties expect that their partner will be monogamous? Are there expectations that if not met will mean the end of the relationship?


Frank mentions that he has suffered through his share of break-ups and has learned from the experience. He has learned that a broken relationship doesn't mean failure. It can mean that the parties have changed and are ready to move to the next phase of life. Once the blame disappears, the parties can discuss the break-up calmly and rationally. As he describes it, a break-up is not a rejection, it is a conclusion.


I recommend this book for everybody who is in a relationship or is leaving a relationship. However, I think the people who can benefit the most from this book are people who are just starting a relationship. This book can help people have better relationships and maybe make your current relationship last a lifetime.

What will the Court do in a divorce when I prove that my spouse cheated?

Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful can be an emotional disaster. To many people, this is a wrong that can never be corrected. It can destroy a marriage. People expect that infidelity will be punished by a Judge in a divorce and the innocent spouse will be rewarded by a favorable property division or alimony as a result. Some people think that a person who commits adultery should not have custody of children. While the actions of the courts vary depending on the specific facts of a case, usually, a Massachusetts Court will do very little when adultery is proved.

Grounds for Divorce

Massachusetts is a no-fault divorce state. There is no advantage to filing a fault grounds divorce if the other party will appear in the divorce action. While Massachusetts allows a divorce on the grounds of adultery, Judges will encourage parties to change the divorce to no-fault. If a divorce is filed on the grounds of adultery, a motion must be filed to name the third party who participated in the infidelity. Judges will deny this motion as soon as it is filed.

Alimony and Property Division

Alimony and property division in a divorce require a Judge to consider many factors. There is no factor specifically addressing marital fidelity. One of the factors is "conduct of the parties during the marriage." Certainly cheating should be considered wrongful conduct. However, it is hard to imagine a marriage where the only conduct by one party was bad conduct. Usually every person has good conduct and bad conduct during a relationship. The Judge must consider all conduct, good and bad. As a result, it is rare that a person has behaved so badly during a marriage that it has a significant affect on the outcome. Massachusetts divides marital property under a concept of equitable division. I have never heard a Judge describe any part of equitable division as including the concept of punishing a party for bad behavior.

Sometimes when Infidelity occurs one spouse has established an on-going relationship with a third party. Sexual infidelity may be a part of this relationship. Another part of the relationship may be using marital resources to benefit the third party. Expensive gifts or trips can constitute a diversion of marital assets. If spending of substantial money to conduct the affair or benefit the paramour occurred, then a Judge may be expected to take the expenditure into account when dividing assets. It is not the sexual acts that impact the property division, it is the spending of money.

Child Custody and Child Support

The standard for deciding custody is “the best interests of the child.” If the affair was unknown by the child and had no effect on the child, then the Judge should not consider the affair when deciding child custody or visitation. Although it is predictable that the paramour may be exposed to the child in the future, unless there is evidence of inappropriate sexual conduct occurring in the presence of the child, the Judge should not let an affair control a custody decision.

Child support is decided by application of the child support guidelines. Once child custody is determined, child support will follow. An affair is not related to the child support guidelines.


An affair may violate societal and religious morals. However, in most cases, it has almost no effect on an divorce. Of course, each case is fact specific and if your spouse has committed adultery you should consult an experienced family law attorney to discuss what effect, if any, this can have on a divorce.

Can you spy on your spouse with technology?

Since the creation of the institution of marriage, some people have suspected their spouse of cheating. One of the natural instincts following such suspicions is to try to prove the adultery. An age old method of such proof is to hire a private investigator to follow the spouse and obtain proof. This is a costly undertaking. If the investigator fails to find proof, there is still doubt as the spouse may commit adultery on a day when the investigator wasn't following. Today, some people turn to technology to confirm the suspicions.

One of the easiest ways to spy on the spouse is to merely look at the spouse's computer and cellphone. Looking at emails, text messages, or listening to voice mails may give the confirmation desired. Sometimes the spouse looks at the computer or cellphone innocently and learns some information. An example is that the spouse's cellphone may be sitting on a table when it rings and a picture of the paramour appears. Such accidental discoveries are not spying as the term requires intentional conduct. The intentional perusal of the spouses' cellphone without permission is spying and may be illegal. However, some spying may be permitted as the entire family may share one computer or cellphone. Spying is not permitted when a spouse has exclusive use of the electronic device. In fact, such spying may be criminal conduct that can be punished by fine or imprisonment.

It is clearly criminal in Massachusetts to record the voice of any person without that person's permission. G.L. c. 272, § 99. If two people have a conversation, both must consent before the conversation can be recorded. Producing a tape in a divorce trial of a conversation that was secretly recorded may be a greater problem for the spouse who made the recording than the spouse who was recorded.

Installing spyware on a computer to capture keystrokes can also be a criminal act. There are at least three state laws that may apply to such spyware. G.L. c. 266, § 120F prohibits unauthorized access of a computer system. Spyware on a spouse's exclusive computer should be considered a violation of this statute invoking criminal penalties. G.L. c. 272, § 99 prohibits the interception of wire communications as well a oral communications. Although no reported case has attempted to apply this law to computer spyware,  the purposes of the law indicate that it should include such communications. Furthermore, the law prohibits owning a device that is capable of such interception. Computer spyware has no purpose other than to intercept computer communications. As such, possession of such software is probably a crime in Massachusetts. The third criminal law that can apply to computer spyware is the stalking law: G.L. c. 265, § 43. This law punishes a pattern of conduct or series of acts of “spying” on a person combined with a threat of harm. While not every marriage breakup has threats, they frequently do. As a result, an argument can be made that computer spyware combined with a threat of harm meets the definition of stalking. Similarly, using a GPS device to track a spouse may be stalking or even an unathorized use of a computer if the GPS device is found in the spouse's cellphone or auto anti-theft device.

Spying destroys trust and can destroy the marriage even if adultery ne­ver occurred. If the spying fails to prove cheating, the innocent spouse may feel the marriage is over because of the lack of trust. A better way to address suspected adultery is to do so in the context of marriage counseling. Of course, therapy is designed to improve the marriage and not obtain evidence of adultery for a court proceeding.

As a general rule, proof of adultery does not play a significant factor in a divorce proceeding. While Massachusetts Judges will listen to proof of adultery, they seldom use evidence of adultery as a factor in deciding how to terminate a marriage. If a party attempts to prove adultery by evidence obtained by spying on the spouse, most judges will exclude the evidence and not consider the proof. Judges refuse to consider such material as doing so would encourage such illegal acts in the future.

The result of such spying may be forcing a break up of the marriage, criminal charges against the person who obtained the evidence, and failure to use the evidence in court. In addition, obtaining actual proof of infidelity may cause far more emotional distress than mere suspicion.

Understanding federal and state is essential to knowing your rights. If your marriage is having difficulties you should consult an experienced lawyer before you start spying on your spouse. A lawyer can help you understand your rights and options before you make a mistake and commit a criminal act.