October is National Bullying Prevention Month

National Bullying Prevention Month is an annual campaign to unites communities nationwide to educate and raise awareness of bullying prevention. Bullying can occur at any age and among any group in society. Children are the usual victims of bullying. If bullying occurs in school it can continue for years as the same group of children interact in school year after year. As a result, the bullying can continue year after year. Childhood bullying is frequently dismissed as insignificant or as normal child activities.

Bullying can be devastating to victims. Nobody likes to be a victim. When the bullying continues for a prolonged period, it can destroy self-esteem, create depression, and anxiety. In extreme cases, the victims may attempt suicide.

Pacer.org created National Bullying Awareness Month to combat bullying through community partnerships and resources. Their goal is to decrease bullying by education and support.

If you are a victim of bullying, you need to report the conduct to parents, school, and even police. Depending on the specific actions, the bullying may be criminal. There are resources on the Pacer web site for victims of bullying. Bullying should never be tolerated.

Smart Homes and Divorce

People now have the ability to interact with their homes in a way that wasn't even imagined ten years ago. We now have the ability to control things when we are away from our homes. We can turn lights and appliances on and off. We can change the temperature in the home by controlling the thermostat.  We can set off alarms, activate cameras and look inside the home, and speak through devices to people in the home and outside. We can track cars and cell phones. We can even monitor driving habits.

All of these smart applications are designed to make our lives better. However, they can allow a new type of abuse and harassment when a couple split up and one partner moves out of the home. The person out of the home can now control all of these devices and use them to annoy or abuse the partner in the home. Imagine the distress created if one partner finds out that their whereabouts have been tracked by a smart application on their phone or car. People can be hit with large heating and utility bills if the heat is turned up or lights turned on when a person isn't home.

No matter how much trust exists within a marriage, precautions should be taken when a couple separate. The first thing that should be done is to change all passwords for all devices. You may be able to block the other partner from using the applications. All accounts for these items can be transferred into the name of the spouse in the home. The other thing that can be done is to get a court order that prohibits the other person from using the applications.

In most divorces, the partner remaining in the marital home obtains a court order that gives that person exclusive use of the home. Sometimes a similar order issues for use of cars. It is a simple matter to add language that prohibits the other partner from using any smart applications or devices that impact the home, car, or cellphone. Violation of this order can result in sanctions from the court.

Perhaps the biggest fear is that one spouse can track the movements of the other and then use this information in court in a divorce trial. Obtaining an order that prohibits use of the tracking applications should prevent any use at trial of this type of information.

Any time a household breaks up and results in a divorce or other litigation the parties should consult an experienced family law attorney. This attorney can give advice and propose a course of action to minimize problems from smart technology and to obtain a court order to prohibit abuse by smart technology.

Don't give in to peer pressure bullying negotiations

Don't give in to peer pressure bullying negotiations.¹

From the time that I started practicing law others have told me do act in a particular way or do things differently using the argument “that's how everybody else does it.” In most instances this advice was accompanied by an explanation based on law, facts, or logic. In many instances I accepted this advice and changed my behavior. If a logical argument exists to do things in a better way then I support the better way. In many instances the advice could be summed up as the difference between how things are taught in school and how they are done in the real world.

In a number of instances other lawyers have presented arguments to do something differently but without any basis in law, fact, or logic. I have always experienced these arguments in the course of trying to negotiate an agreement to resolve litigation. I have never accepted these arguments in the absence of logic. The argument of doing something because everybody else does it is usually a compelling argument. Nobody wants to be different because doing something differently creates a sense of inferiority. However, arguing that a lawyer should do something or include a particular concept in a settlement agreement because “everybody else does it” without logic should be viewed as an act of malpractice. If a lawyer is reluctant to change their position then the last reason they should do so is because all other lawyers do so.

I recently settled a divorce case and the negotiations almost failed because the opposing lawyer wanted to include an anti-bankruptcy clause. When I rejected this the other attorney argued that I should include it because everybody else includes it. I sent the other attorney legal research which indicated that this paragraph would violate bankruptcy law to which the other attorney responded “all other attorneys include it.” She never provided any law or logic to explain why this clause did not violate bankruptcy law. Instead, she repeatedly told me that everybody else does it. She even told me that the Judge will instruct me to include it if we ask the judge. In other words, because she had no basis in law to support her position she resorted to bullying.

This sort of bullying should have no place in legal negotiations. Lawyers should always negotiate in good faith complying with the law as it applies to the facts and the litigation and the ethics that govern lawyers. Arguing that everybody else does it has no place in good faith negotiations.

1  I thank my wife, Sheila g Pransky, M.S.W., L.I.C.S.W. who explained the offensive behavior as “peer pressure bullying.”

Cyber harassment can be very expensive.

The internet and social media has created new opportunities for people to harass and harm others. One person who used the internet to harass a neighbor found it very expensive as a Massachusetts court has issued a judgment of 4.8 million dollars for cyber harassment and another court found him and his wife guilty of criminal harassment and sentenced them to jail.

Two neighbors, Johnson and Lyons had a real estate dispute about Johnson's plans to build a 4,500 square foot house. Johnson and his wife used the internet to harass Lyons. He placed a false ad on craigslist which falsely stated that he had a deceased son. The craiglist ads were designed to have people respond late at night so that it interfered with the Lyons's sleep. Johnson caused emails and letters to be sent falsely alleging that Lyons had molested his own son and an underage employee. Johnson subscribed Lyons to a number of organizations including organizations for nudists and gays.  Lyons sued Johnson for intentional infliction of emotional distress. After a jury trial, Lyons was awarded $4.8 million dollars in damages. The Johnsons were also prosecuted for criminal charges of harassment. This resulted in convictions for both Johnson and his wife and they were both sentenced to jail terms.

It is safe to assume that not every cyber harassment case will result in multi-million dollar verdicts and jail terms. However, this case shows that existing laws can address criminal behavior that uses new technology. If you are a victim of cyber harassment you should go to the police. You may also find it helpful to consult a Massachusetts attorney to advice you about your rights and how to protect yourself.  

What can a parent do when they are the victim of parental alienation?

There is no perfect answer to this question. As long as one parent keeps fueling the alienation flames, the alienation will continue. Every case of parental alienation is different but the cause is the same. One parent uses the children as weapons to hurt the other parent. In essence, the parent is sacrificing the children's well being to fulfill their own selfish desires. The following suggestions may make no difference or may solve the problem.

1. Keep a diary. This should detail all of your attempts to maintain a relationship with the children and the children's responses. Whenever possible, backup the diary with documents that corroborate the information you note. Emails, telephone bills, and receipts from stores and restaurants should be preserved. Use an email program that documents when the emails are read by the recipient.
   
2. Take advantage of all contacts permitted by the court. Don't miss any visits. Make telephone calls or Skype calls every day if allowed by the court. Use texting to communicate with the children but not excessively. Send gifts or cards for every occasion possible. Cards are created for many holidays such as New Years, Valentine's Day, Independence Day, and many others. Make sure you have copies of the cards and enter the mailing of the cards and the gifts in your diary. Of course, make sure you send gifts for major holidays or events like birthdays or Christmas.
   
3. Attend every event in your child's life. Don't miss a dance recital, a little league, a concert, or any other event in which your child is a participant. Contact the school and obtain information about events, parent teacher conferences, and make sure the school has your contact information. Do the same for the child's pediatrician, dentist, and other doctors. Make sure you are on time for each event.
   
4. Do everything that the court orders. If the court orders counseling, make sure you go to counseling. If the court orders drug tests, make sure you avoid using drugs and take every test ordered. Continue counseling and drug tests even if the children or the other parent stop attending.
   
5. Take a parenting class. You may be the best parent in the world but the court will be impressed by your efforts to improve yourself.
   
6. Never ever use physical force to discipline your children. The law may permit use of reasonable force but you are under a microscope and can't afford the luxury of using physical force. The exception is that you may have to restrain (but not hit) a child to prevent harm to another child, yourself, or someone else.
   
7. Avoid discussions with your child about the alienation, child support, or any issue you have with the other parent. Make sure the children can't hear when you have discussions with other people about these matters.
   
8. Be careful about use of social media. You should assume that everything you post on social media will be reported to the Court. Never say anything critical or negative about your children, the other parent, the attorneys, or the Court. Social media can be used to make positive statements about the children but do so sparingly. Don't comment on every posting by your children. It will make you look like a stalker.
   
9. Tell your children that you love them. Tell them this at the end of every phone call and every visit. Don't overdo this. Once a day is fine. Four times a day makes you look crazy. Don't ask the children to respond in kind. Pressuring the children for affection is certain to hurt you.
   
10. Be persistent and consistent in your efforts to maintain your relationship with your children. Don't give up hope no matter how frustrating it becomes.
    
11. Retain a family law attorney and regularly discuss the parental alienation and your efforts to maintain the relationship. In many cases, only court action can stop the abuse to the children. An experienced family law attorney should be able to advise you about when to resort to the courts. Like everything else in regards to parental alienation, it may take a number of court actions before you start to see results.  In the most severe cases of parental alienation the court can  change custody.
    

Cyberharassment is still harassment

The internet provides new opportunities to commit criminal acts. However, in many instances, laws that were not designed for the internet provide remedies. A recent case illustrating use of a traditional law to punish internet conduct is Commonwealth v. Johnson, 470 Mass. 300 (2014).

In this case, a husband and wife harassed their next door neighbors through a third person. They placed false ads on Craig's list so that potential buyers of goods would bother the family day and night. They filed a false claim of child abuse with the state resulting in an investigation of the family. In addition, threatening emails were sent.

Massachusetts G.L. c. 265, § 43 punishes as a criminal act causing a pattern of conduct or series of acts over a period of time directed at a specific person which seriously alarms or annoys that person. The statute does not mention internet, computers, or cyberspace. However, the court found that this statute was sufficient to convict a person who used the internet and computers to harass someone.

Just because computers and the internet became household items after most criminal laws were created doesn't mean that they are not governed by the laws that predated the internet. If you are the victim of harassment you should consult an experience lawyer who can advise you concerning the laws that are available to protect you.