How to communicate with your Ex by email and text.

     After a couple separate or divorce they will need to communicate with each other on many issues. This is particularly true if there are children as the couple will still be parents and need to cooperate for the rest of their lives.  Divorce attorneys generally recommend   email and text communications  as the parties are bound by the written communication and the email or text may be shown to a judge. Despite the potential for presenting the emails to a judge, some people use emails and texts as an opportunity to abuse their spouse. Abuse may have been the customary method of communication during the end of the relationship and one party may not even understand how destructive such abuse can be. I have the following suggestions to parties to make communications better.

1) Forget about your history with your Ex. It is harmful to communications to continue to mention past wrongs. Telling your Ex how they made bad decisions or acted badly just alienates your Ex. If you want something done, simply ask you Ex to do the things you want done. If your Ex responds by asking for reasons then you can explain your thinking on the subject. Many times, the other party will merely comply with a reasonably stated request.

 

2) I was taught as a child to always say please and thank you. This is excellent advice for email communications. If you are asking for something, ask politely and say “please”. When you get a response, say “thank you”. You should say “thank you” even if you don't like the answer. It doesn't hurt you to say “Thank you for responding.”

 

3) Be clear in your communications. The more clarity provided the fewer mistakes are made.

 

4) Don't make threats. At least don't make threats in the first communication. While it may be appropriate to make threats later, starting with threats is never a good idea.

 

5) Don't state the obvious. If there is a court order for vision insurance, don't start by stating the terms of the divorce judgment. Your ex-spouse should know this. Politely ask for the vision insurance cards for the children. This should be sufficient on the first communication. Perhaps the second communication will require you to explain his obligations under the divorce. On the first communication assume your Ex knows what he is suppose to do.

 

     In short, treat your Ex-partner like a stranger.

     Successful communications between former partners may reduce litigation and attorney fees.

Unauthorized access to email results in verdict of $325K.

In the past, I have blogged about unauthorized access to social media and email accounts in the context of divorce. http://massfamilylawblog.blogspot.com/2012/12/can-you-spy-on-your-spouse-with.html and http://massfamilylawblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/spying-on-spouse.html. The danger of such spying is shown by a recent case of unauthorized access which resulted in a verdict of damages of $325,000.00.

In the case of Cheng v. Romo, (Civil Action No. 11–10007–DJC. U.S. Dist.Ct. MA) a civil lawsuit was filed under the federal Stored Communications Act 18 U.S.C. § 2701, et

seq. and the Massachusetts Privacy Act Mass. Gen. L. c. 214, § 1B. Cheng and Romo were doctors who worked together. Their employer did not provide email addresses so they used their private emails for work purposes. Cheng gave Romo his email password so she could access some documents that Cheng had received relating to their work. Romo used the password on several occasions at the time that Cheng gave her the password. For over four years, Romo did not access Cheng's email. However, when Romo was having problems with the empolyer and was contemplating leaving the company, she again accessed Romo's email account. When she accessed the email at this time, she did it for the purpose of obtaining information to help her in potential litigation and negotiations with the employer. Romo's access of the email was discovered when her lawyer produced emails from Cheng's account. A lawsuit followed for damages for the unauthorized access of the email account.

The facts of this case raised questions about interpretation of the Stored Communications Act. Once authorization is given for an email account, can it be limited? Does it have to be limited by express words? Can it be limited by the context of the grant of permission?

Based on jury verdict, it appears that a use exceeding authorization constitutes an unathorized use under the statute. Furthermore, the context can establish the scope of permission. In this case, permission was granted to access an email account for performing work and obtaining information necessary for performing a job function. When the account was accessed four years later, the purpose was to obtain information to harm the owner of the email account and the employer. This was not a proper purpose.

Unless there is a written document establishing the scope of authorization for another's email account, the scope of any authorization should be limited to access for the benefit of the account holder. Any intentional access to obtain information to the detriment of the account holder should be considered unauthorized. I consider intent as the critical element. If a person, in good faith, uses another's email account and happens across harmful information, that access would still be authorized. It is only when the intent is to cause harm that such access should be considered in violation of the computer access and privacy laws.

Applying the lessons of this case to my previous blog articles, I conclude that spying on a spouse or other by accessing their email violates these laws even if the password was freely given. This is true even if a shared computer is used or a computer that is owned by the person spying. Using the internet to spy on another or harm another can be very risky as this $325,000.00 verdict shows.

Before trying to harm someone by using their email or other accounts, you should consult a lawyer who can advise you on the law as it applies to your specific facts.

Communication with your ex-spouse. Use Email.

If a couple have children, their relationship doesn't end when they get divorced. They will continue to interact for the rest of their combined lives. The worst way to communicate is in front of the children. Parents who communicate in person tend to do so when they exchange the children for visitation. The children are exposed to every argument and every angry word. Children pick up on these and are likely to have adverse reactions. Even if the children don't show a reaction, they are likely to suffer emotionally.   If the parents communicate by telephone, children are likely to hear one side of the conversations. It is better to keep the communications entirely private from the children. E-mail does this.

Email offers many advantages to other forms of communication. E-mail is private. It allows a greater ability to think before responding. A person who is prone to spontaneous statements can reflect before writing a response. Email can be printed and produced in court. This provides a protection against a party who is unreasonable when negotiating but denies it in court. The ability to produce Emails in court also provides a protection against swearing and threats. With E-mails, the parties can discuss the children without exposing the children to the conversations and still make the necessary arrangements.

If the parties improve their communications, they are likely to avoid problems that will cause them to return to court.